Hell's Kitchen
by fanasaurus12
Summary: The Hunters - Sam, Dean, Bobby, Charlie and Castiel - are against the Demons - Meg, Ruby, Azazel, Lilith and Abbadon - in a furious bake-off for dominance. However, they cannot use weapons or powers - only their best baking skills! Starring Lucifer as Gordon Ramsay and Crowley, the guest judge for this season.
1. Whipped Cream

"YOU'RE DOING A GOOD JOB - PROBABLY!" shouts Lucifer as he paces around the set of Hell's Kitchen. The Hunters- consisting of Bobby, Dean, Sam, Charlie, and Castiel - rush around in a desperate attempt to make icing for their apple pie. The Demons - Abbadon, Meg, Azazel, Lillith, and Ruby- were searching for whipped cream for their blueberry pie which had mysteriously disappeared.

Dean turns to face Castiel and asks, "Cas, can't you just summon icing from a supermarket or something?"

"You know the rules, no spells or rituals or anything of the sort allowed. This is a TV show for mortals, Dean." Cas frowns and ponders over what colour the icing should be. Grumbling, Dean shuffles back to his position by the freezer, checking to see if the chocolate syrup on the strawberries had gone solid yet.

Meanwhile, the Demon team weren't doing as well. They were still looking for whipped cream. "DEAN YOU ASSHOLE! YOU TOOK OUR WHIPPED CREAM DIDN'T YOU?" Meg yells at Dean, black seeping into her eyes. Dean merely smirks and replies, "Maybe."

Crowley, who had also been walking around, told the two teams, "ONE MINUTE LEFT!".

Sam and Charlie hurriedly put the icing on the pie whilst Bobby plucks chocolate-covered strawberries from the freezer to place on the side. "Dean, give the Demons their whipped cream back." says Cas sternly, to which Dean answers with a pout. "Awww."

Throwing the can to the Demons, Dean sticks his tongue out at Meg and Ruby sighs, "Dean you massive douche." Meg uncaps the whipped cream and sprays it in small dots around the edge of the pie, fighting the urge to spray some in the Hunters' face.

Lucifer's voice roars throughout the room. "TIIIIIIIIIIIIIME'S UP! STOP COOKING!" Suddenly, everyone's hands are stuck to their sides by some supernatural force.

"Bastards." Meg mumbles under her breath.

"It's just a television show." Crowley sighs.

"And Hell is just a sauna." retorts Azazel.

"If they win, Dean will never stop teasing us." Ruby moans.

Meanwhile...

"Dean, you shouldn't have stolen the whipped cream. We could have been disqualified for cheating." Sam mutters.

"But I needed it." Dean smirks.

"We don't need _you_ makin' us lose this damn thing." Bobby replies.

"You're lucky your boyfriend was here to convince you to hand it back." Charlie says knowingly to a red-faced Dean.

"He's not my-"

"Dean and I are just-"

Lucifer smiled in pleasure at the taste of both cakes, and made his way to the center of the kitchen.

"I have come to a decision." he announced, silencing everyone. "There is a tie!"

He loved to tease both the audience and his contestants by announcing ties, meaning they would have to have yet _another_ bake-off to determine who went home.

"Ughhhhhh." Everyone groaned and walked off the kitchen-disguised battlefield.

 **[Author's Note]**

I hope you enjoyed a short snippet of what is to come c:

Yes, there will be more chapters elaborating on both off-screen and on-screen moments of Hell's Kitchen ;)

-Queen Narwhal


	2. Meatsuit

Backstage, everyone (well, except Castiel. he was just mildly pissed) was angry at Dean.

"WHY did you take the WHIPPED CREAM when we so CLEARLY NEEDED IT?!" Meg shouts as Abbadon and Azazel are the only ones keeping her from sending Dean to Hell and back...again.

Dean shrugs and a smile plays on his lips as he considers his thoughts. "Strategy. Why would we want to let you win? I mean, it's a competition."

Letting him off the hook with an icy cold glare, Meg stalks off to her dressing room.

"Not cool, dude. She was ready to kill you." Sam approaches Dean with a sigh.

"Like she'll make me stay in Hell." Dean snorts.

Lucifer peels another orange and throws the -well, orange- scrap in the rubbish bin as he watches drama ensue on security cameras backstage.

Boy, was this 48 year old television star's meatsuit uncomfortable.

At least this meatsuit already had a reputation for yelling at people. No 'gradual transition' into an asshole this time.


End file.
